THE DAILY LAUGH - ISSUE 623  
    
   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEFINITIONS BY GENDER  
 
"THINGY": 
Female: Any part under a car's hood,a lawn mower, a computer, or any item most women do not relate to. 
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra, or the button or zipper on a skirt . 
 
"VULNERABLE": 
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. 
Male: Playing football without a helmet.  
 
"COMMUNICATION": 
Female: The sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. 
Male: Leaving a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.  
 
"BUTT": 
Female: The body part that "looks bigger" no matter what is worn. Also the body part women look at first when a man walks by. Names women use are, "booty", "rear", "ars", and a few other sexier names unprintable in this column. 
Male: What you slap when someone scores a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning.  
 
"COMMITMENT": 
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. 
Male: Trying not to pick up other women while out with girlfriend, or with wife, for that matter. Research shows that it is easier for men to pick up other women, and consequently, for other women to notice them, when the man is with a special someone, than if he were alone. Go figure that one out. Same notion applies to women, they also do the exact same thing. 
 
"ENTERTAINMENT": 
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. 
Male: Anything that can be done while drinking. 
 
"BREASTS" 
Female: The parts that form the pectoral cavity, primary use is for breastfeeding babies, and for back support. Women refer to them by their proper name, breasts, or mammary glands. 
Male: The body parts men first look at when a woman walks by , primary use is for sexual excitement, the larger they are, the better, although some men like small ones. Some milder names men use are "melons", "rack", and other racier names which are unprintable in this column. 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

 

Effective immediately, Santa will not be serving the Southern 

United States this Christmas. Instead, he will be replaced by his second cousin, Bubba Claus! His side of the family is from the South Pole. He enjoys delivering toys to all children, however, you may notice a few differences:  
 
 -There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh, and a bumper sticker that reads, "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." 
 
 -Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba prefers that children leave a soda, and pork rinds in front of the fireplace. Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe, though he dips a little snuff, so please leave an empty spit can handy.  
 
-Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared coon dogs instead of reindeer. Reindeer were mistakenly once issued to Bubba, who now has a couple more nice trophy heads over his fireplace.  
 
-As required by Southern highway laws, the sleigh has a Yosemite Sam safety guard with the words, "back off" and a caricature of Bubba going wee-wee on the tooth fairy.  
 
 -Finally, Christmas songs such as, "Santa Claus is coming to town", and "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer", are replaced on all AM and FM stations in the South by your new official Christmas carol, "Grandma got run over by a reindeer."  
 
Merry Christmas, from Bubba Claus!!!