Sociology's Iron Law of Oligarchy In every organized activity, no matter the sphere, a small number will become the oligarchical leaders and the others will follow. Poor Wife's Lament (Moses' Motto) It is better to wander forty years in the desert than to stop,and ask directions. Murphy's First Law for Husbands If you run into an old girlfriend-no matter how innocently-your wife will know about it before you get home. Naeser's Law You can make it foolproof, but you can't make t damnfoolproof. Harrison's Postulate For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Shirley's Law Most people deserve each other. Firmage's Rule of Auto Repair That which is attached with only two bolts is directly behind something attached with eight. Ostrofsky's Law The size of the rip in the article that you just tore out of the newspaper is directly proportional to the importance of the article. Murphy's Unavoidable Law of the Office Copying machines mangle only important documents. COROLLARY: If a machine goes wild and runs off 180 copies, it will do so when you are copying a personal letter. First Rule of Environmental Protection The species is protected only after it is hopelessly depleted. Glynn's Fourth Corollary The amount of aggravation inherent to a business transaction is inversely proportional to the profit. Fant's Law When attempting to open a locked door with only one hand free, the key will be in the opposite pocket. First Law of Travel It always takes longer to get there than to get back. Cafeteria Law The one item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you. Edelstein's Advice Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them. Grossman's Misquote of H. L. Mencken Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers. Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. FREEMAN'S EXTENSION: . . . but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean. Dykstra's Law Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. The Queue Principle The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line. Flugg's Law When you need to knock on wood, is when you realize the world is composed of aluminum and vinyl. First Law of Final Exams Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semester will fail during the math final. COROLLARY: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective. Murphy's Second Law for Wives The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you. Loftus' Law Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. Schmidt's Law If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break. Jones' Law of Zoos and Museums The most interesting specimen will not be labeled. Hutchison's Law If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction. Vile's Law of Communication No one is listening until you make a mistake. Perrussel's Law There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong. Ducharme's Precept Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. Tillis' Organizational Principle If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is. Vile's Law of Value The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs. Pope's Law Chipped dishes never break. Ringwald's Law of Household Geometry Any horizontal surface is soon piled up. Prescher's Law of Exams If you don't know the answer, someone will ask the question. Thiessen's Law of Gastronomy The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll. Murphy's Third Law for Wives Whatever arrangement you make for the division of household duties, your husband's duties will be easier. Murphy's Rule of the Term Paper The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper will be missing from the library. COROLLARY: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out. Second Law of Final Exams During your toughest final for the first time all year-the most distractingly attractive student in class will sit next to you. O'Brien's Variation on Etorre's Observation If you change lines, the one you just left will start to moue faster than the one you are in. KENTON'S COROLLARY: Switching back screws up both lines and makes everybody angry. Etorre's Observation The other line moves faster. Westheimer's Rule To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate two days for a one-hour task. Parkinson's Second Law Expenditures rise to meet income. Hoffer's Law When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. Seay's Law Nothing ever comes out as planned. Weinberg's First Law Progress is made on alternate Fridays. John's Collateral Corollary In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it. Bocklage's Law He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke. Schopenhaur's Law of Entropy If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage. The Murphy Philosophy Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. Colridge's Law Extremes meet. The 90/90 Rule of Project Schedules The first 90 percent of the task takes 10 percent of the time. The last 10 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time. Cheops' Law Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. Parkinson's Law of Delay Delay is the deadliest form of denial. Wiker's Law Government expands to absorb revenue and then some. Malek's Law Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way. Edds' Law of Radiology The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body you are required to place upon it. First Law of Socio-Genetics Celibacy is not hereditary. Barth's Distinction There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't. Mr. Cole's Axiom The sum of the intelligence on the planet remains a constant; the population, however, continues to grow. Weinberg's Second Law If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker would have destroyed civilization. Weiler's Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Owens' Law for Secretaries As soon as you sit down with a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that will last until the coffee is cold. O'Brien's Principle (the $357.73 theory) Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10. Reverend Chichester's Law If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down. Levy's Ninth Law Only God can make a random selection. O'Brien's Law Nothing is ever done for the right reasons. Law of Institutions The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm. Marks' Law A fool and your money are soon partners.